Kids say the Darndest Things…

I culled some especially amusing entries from this funny reddit thread:

My son was about 4, i was complaining about a guy at work that i absolutely hated. He asked, “Are there people there that you like?” i said, “Of course, there are lots.” And he said, “Maybe you should just concentrate on them.” thats some of the best advice ive ever been given, Ive carried that little gem around with me every since, thanks son.

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Having coffee after dinner one night, my grandfather asked for a refill with his oft-used joke “Gee, this coffee cup must have a hole in it”.

My brother, all of two years old at the time, looked at him quizzically and said “How else would you get the coffee in?”

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I don’t know quite what I see in my daughters future…

I was walking with my 3 year old daughter on a busy boardwalk in a waterfront town. There were plenty of things going on to catch her eye and plenty of other children in the area were pointing out these things like, “hey, look, a boat” or, “look at those ducks.” My daughter speaks up as we pass a boat that a gentleman was docking to our left and she says, “look, daddy, a human!” So now she has the attention of the crowd and I, of course, respond with, “I’m so glad you’re enjoying our vacation on earth.”

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so, I was eating my breakfast with my 7-year-old niece, who was sitting on the table.

Niece: Do you like milk in your tea?

Me: Yes.

Niece: Do you like sugar in your cornflakes?

Me: Yes.

Niece: Do you like screams in your head?

Me: …What?

Niece (slowly and deliberately): Do you like screams in your head?

Me: Er…

Comment: Did she then spider-walk off the table?

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My 2yr old girl was getting frustrated at the dinner table and was just so cute I started to chuckle. She pointed her finger at me and yelled, “Daddy, THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING SHOW!”
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My 3 year old son was in the kitchen by himself and I heard him fall off the counter. I waited for him to cry but instead heard him mutter to himself as he got up, “That was not awesome.”
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My daughter was 4 and decided she’d prefer to take a bath by herself. We figured, sure, as long as we can hear the splashing, she’s fine. About 5 minutes in, we heard loud splashing and coughing, so I of course bolted toward the bathroom. I didn’t make it more than a few steps before I heard, instead of the panic I expected, a calm voice calling, “You’re right, Mommy, you can’t breathe under water.”

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My 4 year old son asked why this ladies belly was so fat. I told him it was because she has a baby in her stomach(she was preggers).

The next day he asked our neighbor why she had a baby in her butt…….

I did not want to explain to her why he said that.

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My two-year old niece was being told off by my sister, who asked her the age-old question, “when are you going to start behaving?” “Next Tuesday” was the reply.
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When I was little, my mom was shopping with me in the cart. Well this other lady came up to us and said to me: “Aww! What a cute baby! What’s your name little man?” To which I replied: “Damnit Danny!”

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